Permission To Worship

I struggle to worship through singing, and have for a very long time. My definition of what the worship experience should be has been so narrow, I'm not sure I've ever even experienced it. At it's root is an admirable quest for authenticity and a meaningful, selfless, connection with God, but it has ultimately left me too skeptical to ever "let go" enough to have it.

I love live music, and always have since my first concert when I was 13 (It was Sting, I'm embarrassed to say). I used to go to concerts a lot. Work and fatherhood have put a damper on the rock n' roll lifestyle, but I still go when I can. Good live music can create good happy feelings, even elation, in people, myself included. I don't know the science behind why good music triggers the chemical reactions in us that make us feel good, but it does, and I'm glad. The problem is, it doesn't seem to matter whether it's secular music or worship music - the feelings are the same. I've mistrusted those feelings in worship, fearing that I could be equating a "good, deep worship experience" with a chemical reaction that seems to occur regardless or the content, or purpose of the music. I'm also concerned with the ways those feelings can be used to manipulate people. We can use music and song lyrics to trigger emotions in people and get them to respond. I've been so afraid of being manipulated, of being inauthentic, that I've lost the ability to even know what authenticity would look like.

This morning, while listening to / worshiping with David Crowder Band at the National Youth Workers Convention it hit me - the feelings that music can make me feel are good because music is good, because God made it good, and the feelings, even if they're just chemical reactions, are good, because God created that capacity in us. I can celebrate the things that God made good, and praise Him for those, and that is worship and it is authentic. That doesn't mean that music can't be used for bad purposes, and that worship music can't be used to manipulate people emotionally, but I admitted to myself this morning that David Crowder probably isn't trying to manipulate me, and the worship team at church isn't trying to manipulate me, and as long as I stay away from Benny Hinn conventions, most Christians in the circles I run in probably aren't trying to manipulate me. I can let it go. I can call it worship.

For as long as I can remember, my crap-detector has been set to 11. I'm not sure why, but I think it's the way God made me, but there are times it's very hard for me to put it aside and be in a moment without over thinking it. If I can't decide that manipulation and inauthenticity are a risk worth taking, then I'm going to miss out on experiences with God that can only be had when I let go of those fears.

Dirty Hymns

Was just transferring a bunch of stuff to my new IPod and found something kind of curious when I got to David Crowder. "Come Thou Fount (Live)" from "Passion: Our Love Is Loud" is labeled as "clean" (it was purchased from ITunes). If there's an explicit version out there, I'd kill to hear it.

Bad Religion Meets Dorky Professor

Finished a book that was a quick interesting read - The poorly titeld "Is Belief In God Good, Bad, or Irrelevant?: A Professor and a Punk Rocker Discuss Science, Religion, Naturalism, and Christianity" by Preston Jones & Greg Gaffin.

Gaffin is the lead singer of Bad Religion, and a fairly recent PHD in zoology with a dissertation on naturalism, atheism, and evolution (he defines himself as a "naturalist", but not the no-clothes wearing kind). Jones is a professor at John Brown University (a Christian College). As a fan of Bad Religion, Jones just on a whim e-mailed Gaffin and got a response, and what ensued was a friendly discussion of Christianity and Naturalism. The short book is a reprinting of the e-mails that went back and forth between them over the span of a few years.

The book is published by Intervarsity Press and is unique for Christian literature in that there is no resolution. Gaffin doesn't become a believer. Jones doesn't successfully back him into any theological corners. If anyone looks like a winner here, it's Gaffin. Gaffin is gracious throughout the discussions, but clearly not in the least bit moved by any of Jones' arguments. (As a naturalist, Gaffin is a staunch atheist). To his credit, Jones doesn't seem to particularly be out to evangelize Gaffin, and often comes off as a dorky old fan who's just thrilled to be having any conversation with a celebrity.

There is nothing methodical or thorough about either participant's presentations here, but it does serve as a good introduction to naturalism and many of its arguments against religion. Many other books are referenced, and I hope to check some of them out (including Gaffin's dissertatino). On the Christian side of things, while I wouldn't exactly want Jones to head up my debate team, it does serve as a refreshing example of 1) A Christian with good taste in secular punk music (he even uses it in his classes) and 2) an intelligent Christian with the ability to have a reasonable discussion with someone he disagrees with, while actually thoughfully considering the other persons' opinions and in general not looking like a complete idiot. Jones kind of strikes me as what my dad might be like if he was into punk music, but kudos to him for putting this book out there without having won the argument.